Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. Edgar Allan Poe.
What do you do when you are struggling? I don't mean just struggling with funds, I mean struggling with everything, anything....what's in your mind, what's in your soul, what's in your heart, what's in your purse. I have been down in the dumps for about 3 days now and nothing seems to be able to shake it. And I am worried - because when I have been like this before, I have always handled it one way and one way only. Spending money.
Do you know the type of spender you are? What makes you spend money? Why do you splurge the way you do?
I am what I call a "reward" spender. I over-spend when I feel I deserve something or when I feel I need to reward myself for something going on in my life - when I have done well at something or when I have achieved something. On these days I literally shop till I drop.
Unfortunately, I often feel I need to 'reward' myself when I am having a bad day. To cheer me up. I deserve it. I work hard. I deserve it. I am a good person. I deserve it.
I have been having a few bad days recently. In fact, I feel probably the whole of the last year has been particularly hard. Maybe the last two years- about the time my husband has been unwell and unable to work. And I have had to keep everything going.
Work full time. Pay the mortgage. Keep a roof over our head and food on the table. Pay private medical insurance to ensure my husband gets the care he needs. Send my son to childcare and miss out on spending time with him. Pay the bills. Keep the family together. Work an extra job.
Why shouldn't I spend some money? I deserve it. I work hard. I am a good person. Blah de blah blah blah.
You hear that? You hear my useless justification for spending money? And I don't spend on things we need. It is all things I think we need. Things I often didn't know I even wanted until see it in the shop.
Yet I shouldn't and I can't and I won't because - I don't have it. I don;t have the money. I am struggling enough to pay the bills, let alone buy crap. And crap it is. I know it's crap - and you want to know why? I am surrounded by it. I am enclosed in a house full of "I-deserve-it-I-work-hard" crap, which I bought in the past when I had some extra cash. And it teases me with how much I have spent in the past. On crap. And I wish I now had the money instead. So, I can't spend like that now. And I won't. I have more important things to pay for now.
So for now, until I earn more money and have enough to cover needs AND wants, I need to find another way to get out of the dumps.
Or else- just suffer in my jocks.
